I haven't written in forever. I feel like I've lost everything that I strove for. I realized some time ago that I would be alone for the rest of my life. It kills me, I know that one day I will die, and I would have liked to have said that I lived happy, and it wouldn't be too much of a lie. Overall I have been fairly happy, I know this diary has not seen it but it's a place to vent. I'm in love, all the time, absolutely enfatuated, and I can be happy in that. The ones I love may never know it, those that I am attracted to I respect. It's really hard sometimes to go on living, but I can be a strong person.